Time is most Valuable

Friend's Stables in Bathurst

Horse Paddocks in Bathurst

5:40am ~17 degrees 3km run

So one of my goals was to run 3 times per week consistently by the end of the year.

I'm not going for distances or anything fancy like that (although I am currently following a beginner half marathon training program) but I am trying to ease into it all.

The hip problems I had after having H boy are still niggling away at me and I noticed almost immediately after running last week that the tightness through my hips was right back to where it was before I started doing Yoga. It is restricting and painful - so I skipped my third run last week and focused on recovery. This is all a slow rebuilding process.

This is all combined with the baby who STILL doesn't sleep through the night. Baby B has woken every 2 - 3 hours nightly since birth. This - as you can imagine - is wearing a little thin.
I am also going back to work in about 6 weeks time and due to some unforeseen circumstances this is likely to be more days per week than I was working when I went back after having H boy.

I am very nervous about this - and quite stressed- so I am trying to take it all one day at a time right now and arm myself with lots of planning strategies and positivity.

Starting Over

A view from the running track at  Stromlo Forest Park

 7:30 pm Tuesday Evening. 32 Degrees. I was out running.

Did I feel fit - Not at all. In fact I feel the most unfit that I can ever remember feeling. As I thought about this I began to beat myself up a little. Then I stopped. I congratulated myself for even getting out there. I reminded myself that I am starting a fresh and it is as if I have never been a runner before.
I reminded myself that in six months time I will be running freely without huffing and puffing around the circuit. This is just the beginning.

Time for Resurrection

Perhaps it is the new year factor, perhaps it is just the fact that I keep having all these thoughts that pop into my head that I think to myself I SO want to blog that...but I think this blog is in need of some resurrection!

I spent some time thinking about 2011 recently (funny that being that it was the end of the year and all) - now I know that I just had a baby and all that  BUT I feel as though I had absolutely no goals and nothing accomplished aside from the said baby in the past year.

It has been a difficult year - getting the hang of having a 2 year old as well as a baby in the house was a mighty feat and one that I still don't really feel as though I have mastered. Hubby has also been ill on and off throughout the year which has meant forgoing  a lot of me time.

I realised during this retrospective that the me time is what I have been missing. I go to Yoga on a Thursday night for 2 hours - that's it. Everything else is given to others - whether it is looking after the house, cooking, entertaining, nursing or volunteering - I don't do much for myself that isn't rushed as though I have an invisible deadline. Even when I go out on my own to get something at the shops it is a rushed guilt laden trip that sees me phoning to check that all is well at least once during the outing.

I get angry sometimes at the selflessness that is involved in being a mother. Very angry. I seethe quietly and have recently started to find myself becoming resentful of the ongoing thanklessness of it all. I dream about escaping to maritius or Figi - alone.

So in lieu of all this I have decided to set myself some goals for review at the end of 2012. I'll talk about these in future posts. But they involve slow steady progress towards being able to sit down at the end of the year and feel proud of what I have accomplished. They involve giving myself some time for me sans guilt.
They involve a yoga retreat - alone.
They involve running.
They involve returning my to my normal vital self.
I look forward to meeting her again!

Lazy Sundays are meant for Family...

It is only since having children that I understand the value of a Lazy Sunday and enjoying the slowness of it all.

Yesterday we set the H boy up with ABC 4 Kids videos and hubby and I sat in the lounge reading and drinking tea while the baby slept. All I can say is Bliss!

After that we went to the markets and H boy expended energy and yelled  played while I got some bread from the beautiful french patisserie. We looked at the fish in the pet shop and I stifled the urge to buy H boy a Siamese fighting fish. I get this urge every time we go into a pet store. As hubby pointed out - like we really need one more thing to care for right now....he is right!

It is just so nice to spend time with family on a Sunday. We often visit H boy's great aunt and uncle and it is so nice to sit around the table and just banter and catch up on what everyone has been up to.

In the afternoon we go for a family walk up a hill in a local reserve. It is so quiet and peaceful at the top - it feels like you are a million miles away - not just 5 minutes from home.

Love. Love. Sundays.

Destined to hate school holidays forever...

It seems as though my life is going through the 7 stages of school holidays - just a theory I have come up with. It goes as follows:

Stage 1 School Days - You count down to the school holidays and can't wait - they are great!

Stage 2 - Uni Days - School holidays mean uni holidays and that means extra work which means extra cash - Yay!

Stage 3 - Working days (pre-children) - School holidays mean no traffic on the roads and a trip that would normally take 45 mins takes around 15. Downside - all the people at work with kids get preference for holidays at this time - but who would want to take holidays on school holidays right?

Stage 4 - The Toddler years - What the? All toddler related activities come to a dead holt on school holidays. How on earth am I going to entertain my 2 year old for the next two weeks!!!

Stage 5 - The school years when you are the parent - how on earth are we going to do this - getting time off from work is impossible and everyday costs a fortune! Send them back to school!

Stage 6 - The grandparent years - OMG My children are dumping their kids on me now and stage 4 just repeats all over again!!!

So as far as I can tell - it doesn't get any better from here on in....


What brought all this on?

The insanity of Jimmy Giggle at Westfield this morning.

What was I thinking!!!!

(Apparently he is hot...who would have thunk it!)

Cooking from Scratch

Source

 

 

 

We had a little lunch gathering for a few friends yesterday - not quite like the picture above - but hey I am dreaming of summer and being able to spend serious amounts of time outdoors!

We cooked up a  bit of an Indian feast including a couple of vegetarian curries (Eggplant and Chickpea as well as this Aloo Gobi ). We also made a Goat Madras - yes you read right - Goat.

Back in our pre children days we regularly went to a great Indian restaurant in Brisbane called A Night in India (High st, Toowong - I thoroughly recommend!). My husband and his friends regularly ordered a goat dish for the novelty factor - and really it is a novelty. It doesn't taste all that different to Lamb!
For the first time I went to an Specialty Spice store and bought a authentic Indian madras spice blend. If you have never been to one of these places they are quite an eye opener - all the things you can buy in bulk! Rice and Spices.... but I digress. I think that doing this made such a big difference to the flavour of the curry - it was perfect!  Add rice and poppadums - we were all very happy! If anyone is interested I improvised basing the curry on a combination of this Goat curry recipe and this one.

I found it interesting to hear one of our friends telling the other girl (Who I had only met once before briefly) that I make everything from scratch (she was referring to the pumpkin hummus that I made). Is it that strange to cook from scratch? Is that a reflection of the quick and easy society that we live in?
I cook most things from scratch for a number of reasons:

- so that I know what has gone into the food - no chemicals, additives or preservatives.
- so that my children see cooking and preparing food as a normal part of growing up and that we don't always just go to the shop when we want something.
- value for money!

So I'll leave you with the Eggplant and Chickpea curry recipe - but tell me - Do you prefer to make things from scratch???


Eggplant and Chickpea Curry

Serves 4 as a main

2 medium Eggplant
200g Green Beans
1 onion - diced
1 Tin chickpeas
1 tin Lentils

1.5 tbls Tamarind paste
2 Cups water
1 tbls yellow mustard seeds
2 tbls Garam marsala
200ml Coconut milk
Rogan Josh curry spice blend
2 tbls minced ginger
1 tblsp minced garlic

Method
Chop eggplant into 3 - 4 cm cubes, spray with olive oil spray and cook in a 200 degree celcius (180 fan forced) oven for 20mins.
Place the onion, garlic and ginger in a pan with approx 2 tbls olive oil - cook gently until the onion starts to  brown. Add the mustard seeds and Garam Marsala and cook until fragrant (about 1 min). Add spice blend and mix through thoroughly. Add tamarind and water and stir through. Allow to cook down and reduce slightly. Add eggplant, lentils, chickpeas and beans and cook for around 10 minutes, stirring regularly. Add coconut milk in the last 5 minutes.

Serve with Basmati rice!

Thoughts for the weekend...

Source

A few years ago when I was seeing a psychologist to work though a few issues something that we worked on a little bit was seeing that the world was bigger than just me - in other words that everything I experienced in my life wasn't just all about me.
To recognize that when I interacted with other people that they had things going on in their life as well. For all I knew they could be going home each night and dealing with delinquent children, or sick parents or having relationship problems. I know from experience that it can be very difficult to switch off from these kinds of problems say in a work environment - and that it can be very easy to let yourself think that it is because of something you have done that another person is acting the way they are - when in fact you are probably the furtherest from their minds.

I subscribe to a daily email from Tiny Buddah and while I don't read it every day when I do it is always relevant to something and encourages me to have some degree of mindfulness. Today I opened the email to read this:

“When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” -Miguel Ruiz

This was followed by a discussion of the very thin I am talking about above  - something that for me it is always good to remind myself of. If someone doesn't reply to an email straight away it doesn't necessarily mean you have offended them - it might just mean they are a  bit busy - or that the email went astray - as happened to me this week.

In other words - I have to remember to be kind to myself - as I think many of us do!

The Weekly Knit

A few weeks ago I re-learnt how to knit. I was never a very good knitter - it was just something I could never figure out. Then I friend suggested that I needed to learn how to knit in the continental style - so I did and voila - I can knit. Now I am a bit addicted.

It is something I can do with the babe beside me or even asleep in my arms that is a little bit challenging and gives my creative left brain an outlet.

So after finishing the hat above I moved onto scarves. I made one last week that I'm not all that happy with - nothing to do with the knitting and everything to do with the choice of yarn.

So this week I am attempting this:

 

It is a Jo Sharp pattern for a mobius cowl/scarf. So far it is going well - no mistakes!

I am using a slightly different yarn - a Naturally Aran Tweed in a grey colour.

I'll post a pic when I'm done.

Time to start being around here a bit more

 

Baby B is 3 months old now - doesn't time fly! Blogging has really been last on my list of priorities as when B sleeps I usually have a million and one other things to do - or I am watching something trashy on Foxtel like How to look good naked or What Not To Wear USA.

As you can see from the pic  - we got our first delivery from Aussie Farmers Direct today. I thought that I would give it a go and see if it worked for us. While I prefer to go to the farmers markets I was finding that it didn't really work with my shopping/meal planning schedule all that well. Aussie Farmers Direct deliver here on a Thursday and that works out much better.

I am quite impressed with it so far.  Something unexpected I have liked is the reduction in plastic bags!

B at the park all rugged up in his Maya wrap.

Getting to grips with blogging again...

Source

I feel like I am trying to find my feet with blogging again. Back when I was working still I had all this time to think about what I was going to blog and to write down ideas and think about blog posts...and now...I'm lucky if I can string two thoughts together in my head.

There just seems to always be more things that I want to achieve/read/think about that is possible in the day.

I am even having trouble keeping up with the blogs I want to read via Google Reader!

I just bought the Planning with Kids book - because while I am a gun at being Organized - I always like to read other people's ideas - especially when I now have a temperamental 2 year old.

I am also thinking about keeping H boy home for an extra day each week - however if I do that then I need to have a few more solid plans in place for structuring our days at home.

I think that I need a book to write all this down in - hopefully I can make a bit more sense of it all!

inspiration

source

Confession time...

Source

We have been eating alot of good food lately....What? I can hear you say - surely that is a good thing? well yes it might be, however, when I say good food I mean home cooked and full of tasty things like butter and sugar!  Lots of yummy, yummy dinners and desserts and sweet baked treats! Great for the soul but not so great for the waistline!! Especially when there is an extra 5 - 7 kg sitting on my frame right now!


So this past week I got motivated - where did that come from? I really don't know.  I have gotten back to daily walking with B in the pram and have been loving how I feel afterwards so much. Getting out in the fresh (and sometimes freezing) air is so invigorating and I come home feeling full of energy and loving life. That in itself is very motivating.

I have also cleaned up my diet a bit this week and cut some of the crap and the scales have responded nicely. I'm having a tight first couple of weeks and eating Paleo style to wake my metabolism up and then as the exercise intensity increases over the next few weeks I'll up the calories a little.

My initial goal is to be able to run the full lap around Lake Burley Griffin (Bridge to Bridge ~ 5km), then to do the local Women's and Girls Jog-along each month to have a gauge for progress.

In other news, I have come to a good arrangement with my Gym. The childcare situation was not resolved, however I think the B is a little bit too high needs anyway - he hates being in the pram and wont sleep in there for any length of time so it probably wouldn't have worked like it did for Harris anyway. B can go into the creche at the gym when he is 5 months, until then they have put me on what is called and 'External' membership. I pay $3 per week to keep my membership open for the next 3 months until B is old enough, if I am able to get to the gym on the weekend I just have to pay $5 for a session. It is a good compromise because I don't know if I will be able to get to the gym but should the opportunity arise I still have the option. It is a win-win and I am happy!

In the mean time between now and that three month point where I can return to the gym on a regular basis I will continue with the walking/running and do some home based strength work to build up a good baseline.

Slackness

So here we are 7 weeks into our baby # 2 journey and I am feeling slacker than ever. I have absolutely no motivation to go walking or to set up some sort of daily exercise routine at all. This is despite the fact that I am not really feeling all that great about the post baby body right now. All breastfeeding related weight loss seems to have stopped now and the scales are very stagnant. Better than going up but stagnant all the same.

Thinking about it there are two main roadblocks stopping me:

1) The Harris factor: I cannot manage to do any exercise that increases my heart rate at all on the days I have Harris and Mark goes to work. But that is only 2 days per week. The gym would solve this problem but I have solved the gym problem yet.

2) The cold factor. It is cold here in Winter and I am just not managing to get out of the house because my little head tells me it is too cold. This is something I can overcome but I need to get the head space right.

I'm just not sure how to get to the point of wanting to achieve something bad enough to make myself uncomfortable by pushing my body.

Perhaps I need a goal to work towards?

Photo Shoot with the kids in September?
Canberra 10km fun run in September????

Does the playground thing really start this early?

Every week on a Tuesday, H boy and I go along to a free local activity called Paint and Play. It is run at a local disused preschool and is full of fun activities for kids. It provides a great opportunity for wearing them out!

A few weeks ago I took hubby along with us so that he could see what we do while he is at work.
The deal is that when you arrive you sign the child in and give them a name tag. Some of the mums wear name tags also. Call me a snob or perhaps just introverted - I never make myself a name tag.

Hubby asked me why I don't and precedes to point out to me all of the missed opportunities for mother to mother conversations that I miss out on every week. So the next week I made a deal with him that I would wear a name tag and see what happened.

Sure enough one other mum stuck up a conversation with me.

Interestingly this girl is also someone whom I see around the place quite a bit. She looks like the kind of person I would get along with well - we have similarly aged children, clearly both enjoy shopping (the shops is often where I see her), and have similar taste in clothes.

The thing is, she is often with one of those imposing groups of well put together mums who in their 'uniform' of leggings, knee high boots and tunic tops with their designer baby kit bags and fancy prams completely intimidate me and I don't feel like I can strike up a conversation with them. I don't know how to take it from playgroup idle conversation to opportunities for friendship building.  Kind of like the cool girls at school - I would LOVE to be freinds with these people - they totally look like the kind of people I would get along with. The kind of people I was friends with in Brisbane but haven't me here in Canberra yet.

I guess that some people call these 'cool' groups the "Mummy Mafia" - but I don't always see them as the cool girls at school who will trip you in the hall (although if their child was in competition with yours for whatever reason I think I would be watching my back!) - lets face it women are always competing whether it be for good or bad.

But really - it doesn't matter how far we come from school - we always seem to revert back to what we wanted then - to fit in and be part of the crowd. To be normal and to have it all together - despite what goes on under the surface.

I know that I fit right back into the mold that I created for myself in high school - the one where I didn't have very much money and always had slightly awkward social skills. The one where I was slightly individual and for this I was ridiculed. I know I am not this person anymore but it does stop the old feelings from resurfacing.

Blogging with a sticky baby...

The whole blogger thing last week really threw me out. I had the time to post and I had a topic or two up my sleeve and and then nada - nothing!

I know how dissapointed you must be that I was unable to post this amazing picture of my kitchen.

 

Two things to note:

1. The mop across the doorway - The floor was driving me mental as it does daily - but really - who mops daily

Well if I let my inner OCD out I would but thankfully I keep her in chec

However, I really didn't have a choice but to put it off any longer. Why is this important? Because you will note the lovely glossy looking black tiles. A tip for all budding home renovators out there - I thoroughly recommend steering clear of glossy black tiles - the most annoying thing ever - impossible to clean - impossible. When the mop doesn't leave the floor all streaky and it manages to actually look somewhat nice, it only lasts until someone walks on it - and then it looks as though it was never done at all. 

Mopping goes in the Why do I bother files!

2. The mop across the door indicates the floor is wet and keeps small boys and husbands out. Note however that my daily dose of sanity - my can of Diet Coke - is on the kitchen bench - on the other side. (Very small next to the spray and wipe on the bench) 

Disappointing.

As for the sticky baby - he is attached to me 24/7 bar about 2 hours. I have sore shoulders.

3 weeks...Really?

 

I find it hard to believe that this little poppet has only been on the outside world with us for three weeks - it feels like so much longer!

I will write a dedicated post about little B on Friday - today I want to talk about my own battle with self sabotage.

It is something that I continually seem to battle with for whatever reason.

I start out with the best of intentions and then that inner voice wins out on me and the self sabotage monster comes out.

For example - earlier this week I decided to give some structure and planning to my meals - so I set about writing out a planned meals list for the week ahead - all with the best of intentions. 

The very next day I woke up and decided that I would much rather sooth my anxiety with Maccas. So I set to thinking about this course of action a little bit - I needed to figure out what part of my thinking process was letting me down. 

I came to the conclusion that it was nothing at all to do with the food choices I was making - I wasn't necessarily craving Maccas or anything else junky - it was the spending of money and the concept of missing out on a 'treat' that I was missing/craving. 

So I thought about it a little bit more and decided that it was self limiting beliefs about spending that was contributing to the self sabotage. I didn't have to miss out on my daily indulgence and 'break from the mundane-ness of motherhood' that is my skinny decaf cappuccino (I know - why do I even bother!). One cappucino a day wasn't going to kill me or stop me from losing weight (it didn't last time). In fact I'm not even really eating in a majorly restricted fashion - just cutting back on a few 'habits' that have crept up over the past 9 months. I am totally taking the 80/20 approach - eating clean and healthy 80% of the time and cutting out all the 'sometimes foods' that had made their way into my diet as everyday foods. That doesn't stop me from buying a nice fruit salad or fresh juice! It just restricts me to coffee only at the cafe - rather than coffee and cake.

Now I just have to circumvent the little problem of H boy wanting to eat part of whatever I am eating - it makes portioning difficult because I have to serve myself extra to counterbalance the fact that he is going to want some of mine but then you never can tell just how much he is going to want.

The other thing I am taking the time to do is remind myself how great clean and healthy eating makes me feel and taking it one meal at a time - oh and don't forget the planning - it is still there - I'm just not being quite sooo rigid!

I have set myself a mini goal of 3 weeks to begin with - as you know how the saying goes - it takes 21 days to form a habit. I am hoping that in 3 weeks time I will have forgotton about the daily treats and be satisfied with how I am eating the 80/20 way.

Things I've bought on impulse...

A few weeks ago I discovered these Pixelmoda watches via a parenting magazine (of all the places!) and being in a mental state that was open to all things claiming to be wellness enhancing - I bought one. Well actually I bought two - for $20 US each I figured why not - especially given the exchange rate and the free postage.

The claim is that the design of these Pixelmoda watches incorporates Tourmaline, a powerful ionic mineral that boosts relaxation, vitality and mood.

Well I don't know about that claim - but mine arrived in the post yesterday and while I am not all that sure about my colour choices - (I may be a little colour adverse) They are a pretty nifty little watch.  Especially for a mum of a wee babe.

I stopped wearing a watch when H boy was born because all it did was scratch him when I  was feeding him. These however are made of silicone and have no sharp edges and so are just perfect. They also are super tough and so when H boy decides to grab me by the watch strap - I'm not really worried about breakage.

Handy, cute and colourful - I'm really happy with this impulse buy!

Gyms and Childcare

I find it so ironic that the one time in our life as women that we are most likely to want to join a gym (aside from pre-wedding) is after we have had a baby and are feeling less than spectacular AND this appears to be the time that it becomes most difficult to join said gym.

When I had H boy I could not wait to get back into it all and I persuaded the gym to allow me to hand over my 8 week old to the gym creche. It wasn't long after that that I discovered that all mother/child activities take place between the hours of 9 and 12am - the same time that the gym creche opens. Also the same time as child requires sleep - preferably in their own bed if they are to develop solid sleep habits.

Clearly there are many negatives to actually attending said gym in this scenario.

So despite all this I was planning on resuming my gym membership when little
B was 8 weeks old - given that there is around 6 kg that needs removing from my frame. I like the variety that a gym affords me! However upon running into one of the creche employees at a local coffee shop the other day I discovered that the minimum age for babies is now 5 months!! 5 months!! That is crazy!! So not only can you not actually attend the gym in the measly 3 hour allocation that they give to childcare - if you want to keep your gym membership at all then you can't take advantage of off peak memberships because you need your husband at home to care for small children thus you can really only attend when small children are in bed - so after dinner - when you are the most tired and least likely to want to go.

I swear it is a conspiracy against mums who want to look hot.

I know I know - exercising at home and in the great outdoors is an option - but do you know how cold it gets in Canberra in winter?


not to mention the hour (or so) of peace and quiet, uninterrupted alone time that you get courtesy of the gym creche.

Don't they realise that if they provided a decent service and marketed the creche facilities as a feature - they would sell more memberships??

Warming up for winter..

Now that my personal internal heater has become my personal external heater:

I am absolutely freezing whenever he is NOT on me! Which has only really been the last few days - until now he has been mr Velcro baby living on me or hubby both in and out of the sling.

This has been a rare sight!!

However - today he has graced me with a baby carrying free day and decided to sleep in the bassinet - which for my arms and shoulders = YAY. It also equals yay for the two + weeks of housework that needed doing. I feel so much better now that I have removed some clutter from the living area of the house (even if I did only put it all in a laundry basket to deal with another time!).

So while I was pondering what I would have for lunch I came across a nice warming lentil soup recipe which I had to alter to make a little less plain. BUT it is mighty tasty and I thoroughly recommend it for warming purposes!.

Spiced Red Lentil Chicken Soup

 

 

Serves ~4

1 tblsp Oil (I used rice bran oil)
1 medium onion, diced
1 tin (400g) diced tomatos
1 Medium Carrot - diced
3 Sticks Celery - diced
2/3 cup red lentils
1/3 cup pearl barley
1 Lt Chicken stock
1/4 cup Rogan Josh curry paste (or any you have on hand)
300g Cooked chicken breast - diced

Warm oil in soup pan, adding onion and cooking gently until softened. Add curry paste and mix together, cooking for a minute or so. Add tomatoes, chicken stock, lentils, barley, carrot and celery - bring to boil, stirring then reduce to a simmer and cook for approximately 25 minutes - stirring occasionally.
Add chicken breast when there is approximately 10 minutes of cooking time remaining.


mmnnn....warming and spicy and filling lunch!!!

Recovery and moving forward

I have to admit that I am entirely surprised by my recovery this time - I can only attribute it to the difference in my birth experience combined with different expectations of what to expect afterward.

It probably also helps that Blake seems to be a super chilled baby who does a lot of sleeping - he is not all that great at feeding - because he is so sleepy - but that will come.

I came home from hospital on the morning of day 4 and while I have felt delicate these past few days and my stamina is still rebuilding, I otherwise feel 100%.

This is quite a marked difference to my last experience where I was still having trouble walking at the 2 week point.

I have been trying to focus on nourishing my body through this healing process with really good quality food and lots of fruit and vege.

My focus for the next few weeks will be continue to be mindful of nourishing myself with good healthy food and continue to asses my stamina and energy levels every day.

I want to work up to being able to go for a short walk with H boy and hubby by the end of next week I think. I am more focused on doing my pelvic floor and core strengthening exercises right now.

Weight wise I am not at all worried - At the start of my pregnancy I weighed about 70kg - the morning I was admitted to the hospital I weighed 89.8kg. Today - 7 days after B's birth - I weigh ~76kg and I am the first one to be amazed at this. Last time I weight over 80kg for some time after the birth and it made me unhappy. I am not at all worried about losing this little bit of extra weight because I know that through breastfeeding and once I get back to some regular walking it will melt away easily.



- eating mindfully and with intention to heal
- focus on regenerating the parts of my body that have been stretched and stressed over the past 9 months (pelvic floor, core (transverse abdominals)
-