Perhaps it is the new year factor, perhaps it is just the fact that I keep having all these thoughts that pop into my head that I think to myself I SO want to blog that...but I think this blog is in need of some resurrection!
I spent some time thinking about 2011 recently (funny that being that it was the end of the year and all) - now I know that I just had a baby and all that BUT I feel as though I had absolutely no goals and nothing accomplished aside from the said baby in the past year.
It has been a difficult year - getting the hang of having a 2 year old as well as a baby in the house was a mighty feat and one that I still don't really feel as though I have mastered. Hubby has also been ill on and off throughout the year which has meant forgoing a lot of me time.
I realised during this retrospective that the me time is what I have been missing. I go to Yoga on a Thursday night for 2 hours - that's it. Everything else is given to others - whether it is looking after the house, cooking, entertaining, nursing or volunteering - I don't do much for myself that isn't rushed as though I have an invisible deadline. Even when I go out on my own to get something at the shops it is a rushed guilt laden trip that sees me phoning to check that all is well at least once during the outing.
I get angry sometimes at the selflessness that is involved in being a mother. Very angry. I seethe quietly and have recently started to find myself becoming resentful of the ongoing thanklessness of it all. I dream about escaping to maritius or Figi - alone.
So in lieu of all this I have decided to set myself some goals for review at the end of 2012. I'll talk about these in future posts. But they involve slow steady progress towards being able to sit down at the end of the year and feel proud of what I have accomplished. They involve giving myself some time for me sans guilt.
They involve a yoga retreat - alone.
They involve running.
They involve returning my to my normal vital self.
I look forward to meeting her again!