I had very little sleep last night - all in preparation for the weeks and months after baby comes I assume. In fact it was anxiety about having to see a different doctor I think. Plus you know when you get in that cycle of not being able to sleep and then getting anxious because you can't get to sleep and you know you have to. I got up and watched TV for 2 hours and then I tried some of my meditation scripts and even they couldn't take my mind off it. So I have been very tired today and not done much as a result.
I watched Eat, Pray, Love this morning and enjoyed it - although I did feel it was a little lacking in substance.
The reason I titled this post Acceptance and Enjoyment is because those are the things I have realised that I needed to do to get through the next few weeks after my teary day on Wednesday.
I came to the conclusion that I needed to accept the fact that given my past history and all the signs - this baby is likely to hang around right up until his due date at the earliest. I was there praying every minute that he would come so that I could alleviate some of this suffering and discomfort.
But I am OK and the discomfort is OK as long as I get a rest every day and take it easy more often than not. Once I started working on acceptance of what was happening I seemed to calm down. It is OK that this baby hasn't come yet - in fact he isn't even meant to come yet. I accept that he will come when he is ready.
The enjoyment part is really about the H boy because in my teary, mopey state on Wednesday I came to the realisation that these last few weeks are the last time that it will just be the three of us, and I may not be able to give H boy the attention and one on one time that I have been able to give him up until now. So every cuddle and moment I get with him I am cherishing - I know that I will love them both - but H boy will never an only child again.
So I am enjoying this time with him and us being a family of three.
On a side note - last night when I put H boy to bed I gave him a kiss, tucked him in and told him I loved him and he said right back at me Love...You... Mummy....aww melts my heart!